Still learning...

The last six weeks or so my life has been a dizzying whirlwind of emotion.

My feet have remained firmly planted on the ground while my heart spirals around grasping at various occurrences at complete contrast with each other, and my mind struggles to make sense of it all and prioritize the nonsense that happens in between. All the while, regular ol' life continues to move by: work inbox continues to fill and the bills continue to arrive in the mail.

I won't bother going backwards and coming forwards because honestly, it's too depressing. Just suffice to say that many friends have passed in too short of a time to be even fathomable. Add to that, that I enjoyed a wonderful birthday celebration and my beloved Columbus Blue Jackets have been enjoying tremendous success....and it has indeed been a whirlwind.

But I need to write about Jody.

I know about cancer. Knowing Jody has taught me about other things.I know I will get details of her story wrong and that is important to note right here at the top. But the gist is this: Jody WAS the epitome of a young woman with breast cancer. She WAS the Young Survival Coalition. Unfortunately, the disease that brought her into this sorority took her life on March 12, 2009.

But let's go backwards with her. I first posted about her back in September when her husband Marty was killed in the line of duty. But my friendship with her began long before then. I knew Jody before I met her. Back in late 2002, early 2003, when I coordinated tumor boards at OhioHealth her case was presented and I remember being struck: she had pointed out a lump in her breast to her doctor who had dismissed it and her as being "too young for breast cancer." These words are still heard much too often by YSC constituents. A little later she developed back pain. Later she went to the emergency room unable to move her right leg. Scans revealed a mass on her right femur as well as her sternum. Biopsies confirmed these as metastatic breast cancer.

I remember thinking "I must meet this girl." She walked into a support group I co-facilitated at Grant Medical Center. She had changed where was getting treated but she had still heard of the group. She was struggling with how to handle the anger at her first doctor. Ultimately she went on tv and told her story. I believe the doctor apologized to her. I am certain he or she will never forget her.

Over the next few years, Jody would come and go as she needed. She was not immediately on chemo and traveled and enjoyed her life as she always had. She became more and more involved with our local YSC chapter. More importantly, a man she had started to date just prior to her diagnosis, but then pushed away, showed back up. And he was not afraid of cancer, Marty Martin was not afraid of anything. In Marty, Jody found her true love and her soulmate. They married, built a farm, started a kennel to raise and train Belgian Malinois . . .

But then the cancer started to make it's vicious voice heard again. Jody was on chemo again and again. She had some surgeries. Still, I started to see her more and more as she became even more involved with YSC Central Ohio. My life shifted all over, but she was there. We exchanged emails and calls and Jody taught me about various subjects unrelated to cancer . . . dogs, vegetables, organic herbs.

And then Saturday September 6th happened. And Marty was gone. In the months since then I have seen Jody a few times, emailed with her a few times, and spoken on the phone a few times; the last of which was last Monday, March 9th. A mutual friend had said that Jody had returned from Chicago and that the outlook was not good, and that Jody was not returning calls or emails. I took a chance and Jody took my call. She wasn't completely honest with me, as Jody was prone to not be in these matters. . .she told me her bilirubin was very high, and that she planned to return to Chicago to formulate a plan, and that I could call her the following week.

On Wednesday, her mother, Nancy, called me and said Jody had turned, and asked if I could help in contacting some YSC friends. I headed to their house and remained there well into the night (many blessings upon the Carrico family for putting up with my presence). Much of my time was spent with Jody, laying with her and sitting with her, along with her family and friends. What an honor it is to be with someone as they are slipping away. What an honor to feel the pain and love in the room. It is truly palpable. It is something I hate to recommend but yet have no regrets about having done.

A gathering of YSC gals came out later and as they left I said my final goodbyes and left also, as Jody held on tenuously. And on Thursday she slipped away peacefully. On Monday, March 16th, we said good-bye, and Jody and Marty are now together again.

Jody's loss has gutted me more than any ones. For the last week, my heart has ached. For the last week, my chest has hurt from crying so much. I have broken down in the shower, in the car, and in Trader Joe's. I have swung from deep depressing sleepless hours to sheer exhaustion. Meanwhile, I have been expected to carry on as per usual at work and deal with whatever antics and drama arise. My priorities and capabilities have been questioned by some. In the midst of everything, I was shown what is truly important to me about other people.

I feel stronger that ever. I have learned so much in the last few weeks as I have gone through this - Jody still teaching :)

As I was dumping about all of this to a good friend recently, she said to me "You are a giver. And now you need to surround yourself with givers. Not takers."

Jody gave me so much.